Okay back on the horse we go!

Some may call them the pre-deployment woes….for me they are eye opening moments when I step back and say “whoa”…do I need a Snickers?

Going into deployment #2 I am beginning to notice a trend. I become a crazy, hormonal….well, TURD. I get mad for no reason, huff and puff, then walk out of the room, find a blanket and bury myself in it. I get aggravated at something that is so meaningless it’s embarrassing, and then stubborn ole’ me tries to deny that I freaked out. I ignore the calendar until we are a few weeks out, and feel myself getting emotional for no reason when I realize how limited our time really is. That then causes me to be needy and jealous when our time has to be shared or all he wants to do is play a very rare video game so that he can enjoy his quiet time while he still can. Insert brain screaming *ME, JUST ENJOY BEING WITH ME!!!!* I then give myself a good figurative smack across my head! I know better than to act like a selfish brat, especially to my better half who is having to leave his life to sleep in a foreign country half way around the world for the next 6 months. 

Now, this doesn’t happen everyday but it certainly happens enough for us to take a mental note to laugh about later. It is quite comical how the female hormones can make you say dumb things….yes I am blaming the hormones!

If any of the above sounds familiar, don’t worry it happens to everyone. Eventually you get to the “suck it up, you can do this” mentality and you embrace every remaining minute left, or face making the impeding time spent apart a miserable one. Guess what, we are all human and this is not the most average life style that one could live. It takes a special person to defend our home-front, as well as those that are left at home to wait for them. We experience constant mountains that we need to climb, and all the highs and lows that come with it.

I want to start writing a sort of “Deployment Diary” that will contain my observations, comical meltdowns, and looming deployment curse stories. Some may be a 900 word rant, and some may be just a quote. They may pop up everyday or once a month….I make no promises, but I will share my experiences as much as possible. I learn a lot from the more seasoned spouses who have blogs as well as those who are friends, and I happily relate to the younger ones who are going through similar times. If I can hit home with one reader then I have done something right!

I am noticing that every deployment is different and every person handles it disparate from the next. In the leading weeks before our first deployment, we were moving into our newly built home just 2 weeks before he left. I thought I handled it fairly well, considering. I didn’t loose it until well after he left while I was making a “very important decision” that I wanted him involved in…..I was picking out grass seed for our backyard … and yup, you guessed it, had a meltdown in the middle of the Garden Center. That was a moment for me that came by surprise as I had been so strong up until that point. I had the mindset that it was just 6 months and if I could just keep myself busy it would fly by, and it had, but I think every once in a while you just need a good cry….albeit in the middle of a hardware store! Just remember everyone handles it differently, and if I can pass one key piece of advice, there is no right or wrong way to do it! What you can do is try not to compare yourself to any of the other spouses, as you are not the same person they are. You may have what you feel are harder moments, but just remember it is never a cake walk for anyone.

“Husband deployed?… ‘wine’ a little, it’ll make you feel better.”